Things Best Said

It’s over and my teeth are gone. There was a time when I felt like a reenactment of the line from Fight Club, ” With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels” without the gun. I survived the orthodontist.

I managed to strike a deal with the orthodontist, Dr. Hailey. I suspected that only one of my wisdom teeth really needed to go and the rest were only there for molar support. So, we agreed to have only two extracted this time, from the left side.

Now, I’m not one for surgery of any kind. I’ve spent the last 30+ years avoiding any potential need for doctor visits -not a broken arm, or dislocated finger or even stitches. I would have to bow out of the scar scene in Jaws.

Before all the gas and anesthetic, I convinced the nurse to take some pictures along the way…for posterity. Here be them…

Dis is good sheet, mang

Sucking down the N02 we took this first picture. I’m still lucid (as possible for me) and having a conversation with everyone.

[grotesque picture removed]

Here you can see he’s got both hands in my mouth and what I can only describe as a pipe wrench for teeth.

Houston, we have completed extraction

This is post-extraction. Notice the gauze already placed in my mouth. I think they may have posed me and were making elephant sounds but I can’t prove it.

Oh, the places I go when I sleep

Now, I’m waking up, not exactly lucid though. On the left you can see my “whatchu’ talkin’ about, Willis” face when they tell me that I was knocked out for about 35 minutes. On the right you can see me denying all this and telling them I actually did push past the Hillary Step with the grandson of Tenzing Norgay, dance with a Bond girl and cycled across Africa. Their forced laughter proved they did not believe. I decide to keep this new Quantum Leap episode a secret.

Dr. Hailey, me and no wizdum

This shot was taken post-op and I can’t remember being posed like this. I’m doing my best James Gandolfini impression sans 200lbs and real menace.

Here are some other pictures I took on the ride home…that I don’t remember taking.

I might have eaten the camera

I got some good drugs there at the orthodontist (why do I always think of Jerry from the Bob Newhart Show when I type that word?) and brought some good drugs home. So, all said and done it wasn’t a horrible experience. I even got a post-op phone call from Dr. Hailey.
For the next week or so I’m not to eat any hard/crunchy things, so, please don’t send boxes of peanut brittle. I’ll just sit around reading, drinking some soup and dream of the day when I can have chips and salsa again.

P.S. ohh yeah, we did our taxes yesterday too…but that’s a whole different post when I’m off the drugs. Can you guess which one of yesterday’s events was more painful?

My wife, bless her heart, likes to plan things so we get as much done in one day as possible. So, she plans for us to get our taxes done this morning…ack.

Then, after a nice, relaxing (pseudo-rectal) exam by an accountant we will be traveling to the oral surgeon where I will be having 4 wisdom teeth pulled.

Just as the title implies…today *will* be hell.

Addendum: The worse part is the long wait to get it done, get it over with. Like the drop down the ever-deepening, never-ending hole toward hell…just waiting to hit bottom.

“Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.” - Kurt Vonnegut

I’ve spent the last few days being enamored. Not quite in love, but infatuated enough to rack up 500+ miles on my ST. Many of them around town, some out in the country and more than a couple out on the Natchez Trace. I’ve come to two conclusions, the ST might be the most perfect bike and I’m ready to get out of town on a long haul.

The ST(eed) -
My last bike could be best described as a ’starter bike’. It taught me a few things about good riding habits, maintenance and comfort (or lack of such).

Now, remember when I said “might be”? Well, there are a few small issues…the seat is adjustable into three positions for a total travel of just over an inch of height. I have it set to the lowest one for comfort but that also means the seat slopes down in front a bit more than I’d like. I’m constantly pushing myself off of the gas tank and further back into the saddle. As my performance comfort on the bike grows I find I want to sit further back.

The mirror sightlines are near perfect for most riding positions. I had originally thought that their height might bother me - they’re very low on the fairing. But, now I’ve got them sighted in and I like the view.

The Metzler tires (or tyres for you Brits) are very nice. The standard tires for this bike are Dunlop but since it was a rental bike in another life the dealership decided to put some more expensive rubber into action. My previous bike had Metzler tires, so, I’m pretty familiar with the feel albeit this bike is an apple to my previous pomegranate. When the time comes to change, I would like to try out a pair of Avon ST tires.

Towns, as viewed through a rearview mirror -
Yeah. That bike moves pretty darn fast. In fact, it moves so fast I’ve been wondering exactly how long it would take me to get from one state to the next…like, say, Tennessee to Arizona. ..or maybe further. And, since I’m thinking of ‘motoring west’ perhaps I should take the trip that’s the best, the one where I can get my kicks. You know what I mean?

Oh, if only the summer weren’t as full of work as I know it will be. Weekend trips are, as they tell me, what the work-week is made to support. I guess we’ll just see how it all goes.

Every year, when the weather warms, I am drawn to a different kind of music than during the cold months…something a bit more fun, lighthearted.

Here are a few from my playlist…

Battle Of Who Could Care Less : Ben Folds Five
Could You Be Loved : Bob Marley
Friday I’m in Love : The Cure
Good Vibrations : The Beach Boys
Hot in the City : Billy Idol
In God’s Country : U2
Locked Out : Crowded House
Margaritaville : Jimmy Buffet
Runnin’ Down a Dream : Tom Petty
Saturday in the Park : Chicago
You Might Think : The Cars

What songs would *you* add to the ever-expanding summer playlist? C’mon…any songs are welcome.